WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) Announcing that it would completely withdraw its troops from Iraq by the end of the year, President Barack Obama today maintained that the United States was not deserting Iraq, promising the Iraqi people, "We will continue to follow you on Twitter."
Mr. Obama indicated that the United States' relationship with Iraq would soon transition from a military one to a social networking one, with the United States promising to "Like" Iraq's Facebook page and share contact information on LinkedIn.
He added, however, that the United States would not have a presence on Google+ "because no one else does."
In summing up the United States' eight-year military mission in Iraq, Mr. Obama said, "We have done everything we set out to do in this mission, except figure out what the mission was."
Turning to Libya, Mr. Obama expressed pride in the successful NATO effort to topple dictator Muammar Gaddafi: "It is my hope that Libya will soon have a functioning democracy, and that someday the United States will, too."
Former Vice-President Dick Cheney also congratulated the Libyan people, releasing the following official statement: "With Gaddafi gone, Libya's right to determine its future is now safely in the hands of multinational oil companies."
Determined to avoid spending reductions that would hit troop numbers, aircraft, ships and weapons, Levin, McCain and other lawmakers are urging budget-cutters to scrutinize the military entitlement programs.
So rather than cutting weapon system procurement or raising taxes on the rich, they are zeroing in on benefits. This is bipartisanship at its absolute worst.
Below is a memorandum leaked to the Freedom Plaza occupation of Washington, DC that comes from a corporate consultant and shows the fear they are developing of the Occupy Movement. The memorandum from Fay Feeney, a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors, describes how corporations should prepare to combat the Occupation Movement.
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Used to be you had to be an unscrupulous hauler of hazardous chemical waste to be caught dumping poison on public property. Now all you have to be is a giant unregulated bank with too much bad debt on the books.
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Thank goodness vote-suppressing repugs are everywhere protecting the white male straight Xian property owner vote from being diluted by pathetic olds who cannot even stand in line for six hours. Ryan J. Reilly at TPM:
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Sixty-two percent of Americans want to do away with the Electoral College, according to a new Gallup poll. This includes a majority of Republicans, 53 percent of whom want to end the electoral college and decide the presidency by popular vote.
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A new Inspector General report found that "only 12 percent of the funds in a State Department program to train police" in Iraq were actually used for that purpose. The report highlights the waste in the $1.1 billion program, which many in the Iraqi government doubt was even beneficial to the country.
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Senate panel omits bullying bills from education reform
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Taibbi: Occupy Wall Street: Washington Still Doesn't Get It
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I think the Vatican should focus on figuring out a way to stop raping children instead of this.
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Much of the aid for struggling homeowners President Obama promised hasn't been spent to turn around the foreclosure crisis. The Washington Post reports that Obama has spent just $2.4 billion of the $50 billion he pledged would be used to help as many as 9 million homeowners. Only 1.7 million people have benefited from the program, and the housing market remains in turmoil.
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