DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – In a development that has imperiled his front-runner status in the Republican presidential race, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has plunged in the polls as voters have begun to remember who he is.
Mr. Gingrich had been surging in recent weeks, but according to pollster Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research institute, "That was before people's memories of who New Gingrich is started gradually kicking in."
According to a new poll released today, Mr. Gingrich fared especially poorly among voters who agreed with the statement, "Wait a minute, that guy? He was an enormous dick."
"Newt Gingrich has got to do something fast to keep people from remembering who he is," pollster Logsdon said. "He might try growing a moustache or wearing an eye patch, but that might be too little, too late."
On the ground in Iowa, Gingrich campaign strategists are working overtime to confront the challenge posed by voters remembering who he is, aides to the former House Speaker said today.
According to one campaign source, the Gingrich campaign has begun seeking the support of people with mental disorders and other memory issues that make it hard for them to retain basic information.
"The problem is, most of those people are currently running for President," the source said
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Beautiful: Scott Walker Recall Supporter Puts Up 'Recall The Kochsucker' Sign Outside Her Motel
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After the death of Christopher Hitchens, God's Gentle People flooded twitter with death threats against people who mourned his passing.
This is not the first time Christians have spammed the internet with death threats aimed at atheists. Earlier this year after American Atheists Communications Director, Blair Scott appeared on Fox News a long list of death threats were posted on Fox News's facebook page. Last time, the mainstream media did not cover the mass amount of Christian death threats toward Scott and toward atheists in general. This time is no exception. It is however likely that if Muslims or atheists were to have posted death threats toward Christians it would undoubtedly be front page news and in fact has been on occasions.
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Watch this and share.
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Scientists are growing human skin out of harvested foreskins in order to reduce the need to use animals to test drugs and cosmetics.
The foreskin used for the process is only taken from boys up to the age of four. "The older skin is, the worse the cells function," explained Andreas Traube, an engineer at the institute's department of production technology and automation. "It is also important that the cells we use are coming from a uniform source," said Traube. "This avoids discrepancies in the production of the new skin." The equipment developed by the Fraunhofer team can extract between three to 10 million cells from a single foreskin. In the incubator these cells then multiply hundreds of times. The brand new skin cells are mixed with collagen and connective tissue, which then becomes 'proper' skin, measuring up to five millimetres in thickness. The whole process can take up to six weeks, but according to Traube, "We can't use the machine to speed up the process; biology needs time to take its course."
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"How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" -- John Kerry, 1971
His name is David Hickman, only 23
Hang your head and cry. Such a waste.
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Common Dreams: Lone Holdout's First Nuclear Winter Looms in Tohoku
Oh, and the Japanese government is saying it might take 40 years before the plant can be fully shut down.
This is exactly why we should stick with nuclear power, because it's so safe.
Fun fact: Maybe if Japan hadn't used $29 million of tsunami donations to kill whales, they could help this poor man and his animals.
Fuckers.
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Tim Tebow's message for gay teens considering suicide; it does not get better. Like 99% of hardcore evangelicals, Tebow is a dick.
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Michael Morton, 57, spent nearly 25 years in prison for murdering his wife before he was able to force Texas authorities to finally test DNA evidence that proved his innocence. Now he is demanding that the prosecutor be held accountable for withholding evidence. The problem is that the then-Williamson County District Attorney Ken Anderson, now a district judge in Georgetown (left).
Continue reading 'Judge and Former Prosecutor of the Year Accused Of Withholding Evidence That Sent Innocent Man To Jail For 25 Years'
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If you're looking for a president who supports gay-rights, Newt Gingrich suggests that you support President Obama.
I say that's good advice.
"I asked him if he's elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him?" Scott Arnold, an associate professor of writing at William Penn University, told the Des Moines Register. "And he told me to support Obama."
No other president has been as supportive of equal-rights as this president, with the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell now on the books and the Defense of Marriage Act facing serious legal challenges following the Department of Justice's assessment that it is unconstitutional.
Every single Republican candidate for president has pledged themselves to fighting The Gay, and if we had a Republican president right now, DADT would still be the law.
Thanks to Obama, the military barriers continue to fall.
It's a time-honored tradition at Navy homecomings – one lucky sailor is chosen to be first off the ship for the long-awaited kiss with a loved one. Today, for the first time, the happily reunited couple was gay. The dock landing ship Oak Hill has been gone for nearly three months, training with military allies in Central America. As the homecoming drew near, the crew and ship's family readiness group sold $1 raffle tickets for the first kiss. Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta bought 50 - which is actually fewer than many people buy, she said, so she was surprised Monday to find out she'd won. Her girlfriend of two years, Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell, was waiting when she crossed the brow. They kissed. The crowd cheered. And with that, another vestige of the policy that forced gays to serve in secrecy vanished.
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Our Tea Party congress now has the lowest approval rating of any congress on record, with a record 86 percent disapproval rating. And this poll was taken before the House of Boehner killed the two-month payroll tax-cut and unemployment benefit extension.
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Mario: Congress' Unfolding Tragicomedy
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You really have to give them credit for such a story. The previous tale of Kim Jong Il's birth on Mount Paektu, Korea rather than Siberia where the family was in exile was fancy enough, but the story of his death takes it up to eleven.
Also right up there is the tale of the now dead president working hard until the end on his train en route to somewhere important, even though his train had not moved in days. Our politicians often have creative re-writes of history but it's still nothing compared to this. Even the Bible, which was written hundreds of years after the fact, has a number of stretches, but it might not be this bad.
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Why Fat Conservatives Love Calling Michelle Obama Fat
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This seems to have flown under the radar for many of us:
Resisting strenuous last-minute lobbying by some of the nation's biggest utilities, the Obama administration announced on Wednesday a final rule requiring power plants to reduce emissions of mercury and other toxic pollutants by roughly 90 percent within the next five years.This is a big victory for environmentalists and scientists who have worked for 20 years to regulate these pollutants — and an even bigger one for the public. When fully effective, the rule could save as many as 11,000 premature deaths a year and avoid countless unnecessary illnesses.
Kthug puts this in perspective:
Let me repeat part of that: it will save tens of thousands of lives every year and prevent birth defects, learning disabilities, and respiratory diseases. This is actually a much bigger issue, when it comes to saving American lives, than terrorism.
This is a nice Christmas present to America.
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Huh? You mean it wasn't the richest 1% that created jobs?
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Uh-oh, Ron Paul needs a nap! Poor old grampa crankypants walked out of an interview with CNN's Gloria Borger after she repeatedly asked him, as everyone has been doing for the last half-decade, whether he had read any of the murderously racist tirades of the attention-deprived libertarians writing for one of his eponymous newsletters in the 80s and 90s. You never thought it could happen, but apparently even Ron Paul gets tired of saying the word "NO" over and over sometimes! READ MORE »
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