Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Headlines - Tuesday August 16

Funny Somewhat Topical Ecard: I'd definitely riot against our inept government if I wasn't so busy complaining about it online. 

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Pushing The Gays Back In The Closet
 
US Representative Michele Bachmann, fresh from a victory in a key Republican test vote, said Sunday she would reinstate a ban on gay troops serving openly in the military.
 
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The United States has been spending hundreds of billions of dollars---even, perhaps, trillions---trying to make friends with people in the Middle East. Couldn't the U.S. do this a whole lot cheaper on Facebook?
 
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In the deadliest day in Iraq for years, 42 apparently coordinated attacks killed 89 people and injured another 315 across the country, "underscor[ing] the reality that few places in Iraq are safe" despite the hundreds of billions of dollars spent and tens of thousands of lives lost to quell the restive country. Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia appears to be behind the attacks, though nobody has claimed responsibility yet.

Fun fact: Baghdad is negotiating with Washington about possibly keeping some U.S. troops in the country beyond the planned withdrawal next year.

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Texas Governor Rick Perry grabbed headlines over the weekend as the latest Republican to announce a run for President. He is also making news for some extreme political positions, including his claim that Social Security is unconstitutional. The Supreme Court resolved this question 74 years ago, but Perry and some other Republicans are raising the possibility that the courts could one day strike down the Social Security Act.

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New Study Blames Human Beings for Half of Arctic Ice Melt
 
You don't have to be Carnac the Magnificient to see that this is going to result in The House the Koch Brothers Bought gutting the budget for the National Science Foundation.
 
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Strange briefcases found at Weepy's office

In the little Hamlet of West Chester somewhere in Ohiostan, someone left three briefcases filled with paper at the local office of strangely orange-hued, fried-butter-on-a-stick Speaker John Boehner. The police were called in and used their bomb robots to remove the offending valises and blow them up.

"Donors often leave us briefcases full of cold, hard, cash," Weepy's spokesman did not say, "usually unmarked and out of sequence small bills, and yeah, the briefcases are marked with Oil, Gas, or Tobacco, so we know who to thank by giving tax breaks to, but there never has been one marked Jobs, so we knew something was up."

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Wisco: An Unsustainable Free Ride for the Wealthy 

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No, @GovernorPerry, you dimestore cowboy dumbfuck, monetary policy isn't "treasonous" but talk of secession sure as hell is, so if there's gonna be any hangin's, let's start with your ass instead of Bernanke's. That is what you were implying there, innit Stud? "Texas Governor Rick Perry, who entered the presidential campaign on Saturday, appeared to suggest a violent response would be warranted should Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke "print more money" between now and the election. Speaking just now in Iowa, Perry said, "If this guy prints more money between now and the election, I dunno what y'all would do to him in Iowa but we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas. Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treasonous in my opinion." Treason is a capital offense."

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The United States continues to pour foreign military aid and other funds into Pakistan by the billions despite years of knowledge that the Pakistani intelligence service was protecting terrorist suspects. Now, a report has surfaced that our erstwhile allies arranged to have the Chinese inspect the wreckage of the secret Stealth helicopter used in the operation — even as the U.S. was trying to recover the wreckage from Osama Bin Laden's compound.

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While Congress is rolling back on scientific and environmental programs, it is continuing to spend $200 million in subsidies to pay for people to fly in nearly empty planes from remote airfields under the Essential Air Service program. Speaker John Boehner and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi are planning to kill the 200-year-old page system to save $5 million, but they supported this continuing program costing almost a quarter of a billion dollars. In some cases, a coach ticket cost the taxpayers over $4000 in subsidies. Continue reading 'Air America: Federal Government Spending $200 Million in Subsidies For "Essential Air Service"'

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As our leaders continue to spend billions in three unpopular wars, our cities and states continue to move closer and closer to a state of nature. This week, the state of Illinois will stop paying to bury the dead. Funeral directors have been sent a letter that they will have to find something to do with indigent dead people. Continue reading '[Do Not] Bring Out Your Dead: Illinois Announces It Can No Longer Pay For Burials'

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"I DON'T REALLY THINK GAYS SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY OR EVEN HAVE CIVIL UNIONS, BUT CORPORATIONS SHOULD BE ABLE TO SCREW ANYBODY, ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME."

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It's Time for a Pro-Quality-of-Life Movement

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On Friday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced its first report of human rabies linked to a Vampire Dingbat.

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The liberal America Conservatards long for

I can't stand to be around conservatards. It's not the stupidity that gets me the most; it's not the god-bothering, it's not even the hippie-punching.

It's the fake nostalgia for a "conservative" America that in actual fact was a liberal accomplishment. accomplishment. Steve Benen:

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The many faces of Marcus Bachmann in drag.

Notorious pill-gobbling serial fabricator Michele Bachmann made up a stupid lie about how she went to her family reunion in Iowa and then made excuses to the press when she was late for everything that day on account of attending the reunion, which she did not attend. Klassy! Or did she? All we know is that Michele Bachmann says she was there, Michele Bachmann's mother says that only Marcus was there, ergo: Michele Bachmann is just Marcus Bachmann in a girdle and a gnarly rubber mask, which makes "sense" in a spine-tingling way. Best/worst Republican drag queen outfit since Rudy Giuliani, is our vote! READ MORE »

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A Businessman in Congress Helps His District and Himself

Really, he's not corrupt.

Seriously,
he's not.

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Remember, it was Ronald Reagan who shut down all the mental hospitals. "A Texas man claiming to be a vampire faces felony charges after breaking into a woman's home and biting her early Saturday morning, the Galveston County Daily News reported. ... "I'm a vampire and I've been alive for over 500 years," he told the the Galveston Police Department after being arrested. ... The 19-year-old Lyle Monroe Bensley broke into the apartment of a woman he did not know wearing only boxer shorts and made his way to her bedroom. He reportedly made growling and hissing noises while biting and striking the woman in her bed. ... He tried to drag the woman out of her apartment, but she escaped and contacted the police. ... The tattoo-covered Bensley was arrested by police shortly after the incident. Police found him making shrieking and growling sounds in the apartment's parking lot. ... "He was begging us to restrain him because he didn't want to kill us," Galveston Officer Daniel Erickson said. "He said he needed to feed.""

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Who's buying off the "Super Committee"

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how about a $5 reward for making your lives more miserable?

Obama now less popular than adult-onset diabetes, basically

Let's see, things that are currently still more fun than having a favorable opinion of President Barack Obama: "mowing your lawn with a pair of dull scissors, using a cell phone with a cracked screen but that kind of still works, being allergic to sunshine, jogging." 4 REALZ, PPL: Obama is down to 39% in the latest Gallup poll, which is "the lowest presidential approval rating that anyone has ever had, ever, or at least that's how it feels, okay?" SO QUICK …what should an unpopular politician do to raise ca$$$h when "being good at your job" fails to do the trick? Duh, learn from the master: Obama kicked off a Midwestern bus tour today, just so he can follow Sarah Palin around to see How It Is Done. READ MORE »

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For Rep. Paul Ryan's (R-WI) constituents, it will cost $15 per person to question Ryan during the August recess. He and other members of Congress, including Rep. Ben Quayle (R-AZ) and Rep. Chip Cravaack (R-MN), are jumping on the trend of outsourcing town halls to third parties that charge entry fees to town halls instead of holding open, free events back in their districts, limiting the chance of angry interactions with constituents.

Are you kidding me?

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London Rioters Will Be Forced To Clean Up Their Mess - Think We Could Get Bankers To Do That Here?

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