WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A jubilant President Barack Obama said that tonight's Republican forum was "the best debate ever," calling it "the first good news I've had since I nailed bin Laden."
Mr. Obama watched the debate surrounded by advisors in the White House Situation Room, where the mood was said to be tense "up until the first time Rick Perry opened his mouth."
"I'm not a big TV watcher," Mr. Obama said, "but that debate had to be the most entertaining two hours I've ever had the privilege of seeing."
Mr. Obama confirmed that he had DVRd the debate for future screenings at the White House, which tonight was the site of a spectacular fireworks display in the moments after the debate's conclusion.
Among the debate's highlights, the Republican candidates took pains to enumerate their plentiful broods of children, which added up to a number slightly greater than the population of China.
For his part, Gov. Perry of Texas made the biggest impression by questioning the existence of Social Security, climate change, earth, wind and fire.
Also notable were his pro-execution comments, which tonight won him the coveted endorsement of the National Association of Electric Chair Manufacturers.
"We don't have high unemployment in Texas," he noted with pride, "because if you don't have a job, we kill you."
And in perhaps the most revealing moment of the debate, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) explained why she does not believe in evolution: "It's really let me down."
The total amount of radiation released in Japan by the Fukishima's nuclear power plant is more than 29 Hiroshima-type atomic bombs. (Via Hans)
They are only trying to help - Infamous drunken orange speaker of the house John Boehner and his side-kick
Muttley Eric Cantor are demanding to meet with Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby President Obama before he gives his big jobs speech next week. While they "are pleased" with The Carebear's canceling of new clean air rules, they want to talk to him about gutting other regulations, you know, in a bipartisan kinda way. (National Journal)
A PR exercise in Milwaukee went off the rails this week, when democracy broke out at a Paul Ryan "town hall." I put "town hall" in quotes, because this was that one thing were he charged a cover charge to keep protesters out. An actual town hall meeting is where people show up and ask questions or make statements. Rayn's "town hall" a fundraiser he decided to call a "town hall."
Anyway, it didn't work. People paid their $15 cover for the chance to yell at Congressman Ryan for trying to steal their Medicare and Social Security money to pay for tax cuts for the rich and famous. According to the report, "When turning his town halls into PPV events didn't keep the protesters away, Rep. Ryan did the next best thing. He kicked them out, and in some cases, they were arrested. These people paid money to ask Paul Ryan a question, but when the Congressman didn't like their questions, he had them kicked out."
So a word to the wise, if you're at a Paul Ryan event and you have a question other than, "Why are you so awesome?" you might want to keep it to yourself. Asking Paul Ryan uncomfortable questions is apparently illegal these days. (Teamster Nation, with video)
Instead of relying on science, President Obama appears to have bowed to pressure from polluters who did not want to bear the cost of implementing new restrictions on their harmful pollution—even though economists have shown that the US economy would benefit from the job creating investments associated with implementing the new technology. The result of the White House's action will be increased medical bills for seniors with lung disease, more children developing asthma, and the continued degradation of our air quality.
Robert Reich at Nation of Change: Why Inequality is the Real Cause of Our Ongoing Terrible Economy
Azmat Khan interviews Steven Grey about a US military "capture/kill" campaign in the Af-Pak region and discovers this little gem:
From a senior US intelligence source, we also learned that a critical part of the targeting process for the CIA drone strikes in Pakistan came and comes from JSOC, and is very coordinated. Of Taliban prisoners captured by JSOC who are "turned" so as to be cooperative, some are trained at Bagram Airbase — which houses the main interrogation center — to read satellite images and video feeds to help find targets.
Senate Environment and Public Works Chairwoman Barbara Boxer (D-CA) endorsed efforts by pro-environment groups to sue the Obama administration following its withdrawal of new EPA ozone rules. "I hope they'll be sued in court and I hope the court can stand by the Clean Air Act," she said of the administration.
Yesterday, pro-life Missouri lawmakers began a special session during which Republicans will try to pay for a business tax cut by eliminating a tax credit that benefits more than 100,000 senior citizens and disabled people
Republicans have found some death panels they like- more depressing news about the overall health of the most important part of our country: