Thursday, March 8, 2012

Headlines - Thursday March 8


Laughing my ass off:

Karl Rove mockingly dismissed the value of Sarah and Todd Palin's endorsements on a private conference call today, noting that their backing of Newt Gingrich in Alaska "demonstrated that endorsements don't mean snot."

I can't wait for the pushback.


Jill: She's ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille
.... Now that the spotlight has shifted entirely away from Sarah Palin, except in the minds of those Republican males who are still heading off to the bathroom with a bottle of lotion and an old 2008 copy of The Weekly Standard, it's almost enough to make you feel sorry for her sad attempts to recapture the magic of that year when she was practically America's Evita Perón without portfolio.

Everyone's favorite skulker behind the bushes, Michele (leave off the second "L" for "Lunatic") Bachmann jumps to another bizarro world conclusion:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is warning that the Obama administration's contraception insurance mandate could put America on a slippery slope — to a totalitarian one-child policy.

Ohmigod, the next thing you know, we'll be forced to buy woks and mandarin-collared jackets! Jesus fucking Christ, every time I try to figure out how this loon thinks, I wind up with a splitting headache.

Teabaggers To Chase Orrin Hatch Out Of Senate Next Week, For His Liberalism
Don't be surprised to see a statement next week from six-term Utah Senator Orrin Hatch that he is leaving office "to spend more time with [his] undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber." DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE, as Orrin's favorite old-timey band used to say!!! Hatch is likely to be effectively drummed out of office in the state's labyrinthine Republican nomination process, beginning with the March 15th caucuses, which teabaggers are planning to flood like a truck-stop toilet, because they want a more overtly insane senator to avoid doing the nation's business in Washington.

Over the past year, Hatch has been feeling his fiery conservative oats (which, is that even allowed, in Mormonism?), e.g., telling Obama to cut it with the "I'm Your Jesus Now" bullshit. And according to The Hill:

The senator has taken on an increasingly conservative tone, leading the charge in Congress on the Balanced Budget Amendment, a cause he's long pursued. He's lined up support from prominent conservatives including right-wing radio hosts Sean Hannity and Mark Levin as well as Mitt Romney, who remains immensely popular in the state. Hatch's latest radio ad features extensive praise from Romney.

And who has more animal charisma and conservative bona fides than Mitt Romney?

Hatch's top-notch re-election strategy also got a swift boot in the grundle from the wiry and retiring Olympia Snowe:

[Hatch had] long warned that if he lost, centrist Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) would likely get the Finance Committee chairmanship, a point many in the state say had some traction with the politically savvy caucus-goers. But Snowe's recent decision to retire has made that point moot.

Ugh. Can someone get to work constructing a Shadow Senate to keep these two soporifics out of real politics forever? [The Hill]


Obama is personally lobbying Senate Democrats to reject an amendment calling for the construction of the Keystone XL pipeline, according to Politico. Sen. John Hoeven (R-ND) proposed the amendment, which could come up for a vote today, but two Democratic senators already back the proposal: Sens. Joe Manchin (WV) and Mary Landrieu (LA).
In Limbaugh's non-apology, he said he used two words inappropriately. Wrong. Here's the video.
In case you forgot, Mitt Romney doesn't care about poor people
This WILL hurt a bit.
Mitt Romney used to sort of not hate poor people, back when all the frothy-mawed rabid conservatives were looking the other way. Now, though, Mitt is pivoting like the big-shot management consultant he used to be (before he had to let himself go, for efficiency). This means the time has come for America's underclass to start making some sacrifices, in the form of an even more stagnant minimum wage, for the political survival of their future billionaire overseer. Look, you want a job, don't you?

No comments: