Head for the hills and take all your guns with you! That's right, not only is Obama coming to get your guns, he's coming to get your soul as well. At least that is what Rep. Steve King (R-Dumbfuck) told Tony Perkins.
So when Barack Hussein Obama comes to nationalize your soul, and you aren't ready, don't say that you weren't warned.
Professor Krugman reminds us not to get so distracted by the SCOTUS anti-ACA antics that we forget to keep a sharp eye on zombie-eyed granny-starver[*] Paul Ryan
What could go wrong when we drill so deep that immediate response to a disaster becomes virtually impossible? The Deepwater Horizon for one, and this.
A deepwater rig in the North Sea off the coast of Scotland suffered a blowout five days ago, and is uncontrollably leaking natural gas in what experts fear is an "explosion waiting to happen." "Relief drilling would take six months and require boring through 4 kilometers of rock with painstaking precision in order to intercept the gas pocket, one engineer said." "All 238 staff were evacuated from the Elgin platform after the gas leak was discovered on Sunday afternoon. Shell is also removing workers from two offshore installations close to the Elgin platform," the Guardian reports.
"Relief drilling would take six months and require boring through 4 kilometers of rock with painstaking precision."
That sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it? Too familiar.
Gulf's dolphins pay heavy price for Deepwater oil spill
Helpful Mormons Hitched Up Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings For All Eternity
Well, that's nice, you guys. Having already magically made Mormons out of Anne Frank, Elvis, Pope John Paul II, and Hitler (him they can have!), the Church of Latter Day Saints has now turned its attention to marrying people who might not even want to get married! Like, remember when Bristol and Levi were going to have to get married at, like, 12, so Sarah Palin could be Vice President? Those crazy kids dodged that bullet, huh? But now they will probably be married in the afterlife, because Mormons just cannot keep their nose out of everybody else's celestial planets. So which important people have the Mormons married now? Oh, just Thomas Jefferson and his slave, Sally Hemings, that's all.
But of all the already-married people to get married by proxy by a roomful of Mormons, Thomas Jefferson might have been the most appropriate. Sally Hemings, Jefferson's mistress/slave, was actually already actual sister to his actual wife, Martha. Sister-wives on the real! Also, slave rape, so hot right now. (The Mormons did wait until 1991 to baptize Hemmings — probably because black people weren't allowed to be Mormon until 1978.)
What is surprising is that the LDS Church, according to its Family Search registry, considers Hemings to be Thomas Jefferson's wife. (One of two—the other of course being Jefferson's legal wife, Martha, who happens to be Sally Hemings's half-sister; she and Hemings were both the daughters of Virginia plantation owner John Wayles.)
Yikes, you guys, move to The Compound already. Oh right you can't you have been dead for like 200 years. Whether Hemings would want to be married to the dude who owned her and their children is unknowable and probably beside the point. Maybe he was a really nice slave owner! Yes, we think we'll go with that.