Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Headlines - Wednesday April 11

Rick Santorum Takes His Balls And Goes Home


Do you hear that? That is the sound of weeping — really, that phlegmy, breathless, hacking snot-snarfling SOBBING — throughout the land as political humorists realize the little spitty, sneery, smegmatic Torquemadita has bowed to something called "reality." And now he is not quitting, per se (because that way you can no longer spend your campaign funds maybe?) but is "suspending" his campaign. Is Rick Perry's campaign still suspended? Is Herman Cain's? Did those dudes ever actually quit? Anybody wanna check on that?

When did this "suspending" campaign thing start anyway? It must have been pre-McCain right? (You remember: the MAVERICK ONE was constantly flying around the country, "suspending" his campaign because the only other way to show how truly erratic he was was to select Sarah Palin as veep?) The first campaign "suspender" we can think of was oddball Ross Perot, but he was actually just constantly quitting and then getting back in?

Anyway, this is a terrible thing that has started happening, in politics. Please grab the only clue from the Snowbilly Grifter and just fuckin' quit, man. Just grab two beers and slide down the emergency exit slide. Be a hero, not a zero.


"As a result of the incident and subsequent media coverage, I have been forced to leave my home, my school, my employer, my family and ultimately, my entire life."-- Crybaby murderer George Zimmerman, from his web site

Hey Crybaby, tell the truth.
You were bored one night so you got your gun and you jumped in your Lil' Ranger truck and went looking for "f-ing coons."

You found one, you killed him, and now we should feel sorry for you?

Don't worry, FOX will give you the hour between O'Reilly and Greta.
If wishes were horses...

we might not have plundered the national surplus with needless wars and giveaways to the "job creators".

Former U.S. President George W. Bush called for pro-growth tax policies to create a more robust private sector Tuesday morning in a rare public appearance.

Growing the public sector is easy, Bush said, "just raise taxes." Supporting private-sector growth is more challenging the former commander-in-chief said, and requires leaving more capital in the hands of job creators.

"I wish they weren't called the 'Bush tax cuts'," he said, surmising that they would be less likely to be raised if someone else's name was attached.

In case you don't remember just how dumb this unindicted war criminal is, let me refresh your recollection:

"Much of the public debate is about our balance sheet…or entitlements," Bush said, but the solution in his view is to focus on private sector growth. "The pie grows, the debt relative to the pie shrinks and with fiscal discipline you can solve your deficits," Bush said.



Andy Borowitz:

Romney Unveils New Slogan: 'Sorry, But You Have No Other Choice Now'

Jesus' General: The End of my Protestant Guilt
Report: Israel Could Attack Iran Just Before US Elections
Watch the unprecendented March heat wave in video form. Each dot represents a record high temperature.

The Republicans have gone from denying that a War on Women exists, with RNC chairman Reince Priebus calling it "a fiction," to now finally admitting there is a War on Women.

The only catch is they aren't the ones waging the war. It's actually the work of that darn Obama.

On Tuesday, Romney surrogate Bay Buchanan, former treasurer to President Reagan, pushed back aggressively in a call with reporters, suggesting that the "real war on women" is reflective in President Obama's handling of the economy. The impacts of his policies, she said, have been "frightening," "unsettling" and "an outrage."

"It's clear his policies have failed women miserably," Buchanan said. "It has set women in the workplace back 20 years and we certainly can't afford it, nor can the children of these women, afford to continue in this direction."

Right. And in the alternate universe Bay Buchanan resides in, Democrats are the ones producing abortion bills, birth control bans, repealing equal-pay laws, mandating ultrasounds, and calling people sluts.



The Trayvon Martin shooting just took a bizarre twist today. From TPM -- George Zimmerman Is Apparently Talking To Sean Hannity But Not His Own Attorneys:
Charles Pierce:

Oops. It seems that Chris Christie, that two-fisted, no-bullshit, schoolteacher-bludgeoning, SHUT UP!, hero of all the faux tough guys over on the Right, has tap-danced a little about why he decided to yank New Jersey's support of a new train tunnel to help alleviate the traffic crossing the Hudson River into New York. Christie said he was pulling the plug because the state couldn't afford the unforeseen costs of the project. A new GAO report says that this was what my old journalism prof would have called a barefaced non-fact:

The report... to be released this week, found that while Mr. Christie said that state transportation officials had revised cost estimates for the tunnel to at least $11 billion and potentially more than $14 billion, the range of estimates had in fact remained unchanged in the two years before he announced in 2010 that he was shutting down the project. And state transportation officials, the report says, had said the cost would be no more than $10 billion.

Also, the Times piece has paragraphs that begin, delightfully...

Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey exaggerated...

Mr. Christie also misstated...

There's a word for this kind of thing. It'll come to me eventually.


Shameful The only African-American lawmaker in the state of Idaho received an invitation/application to join the KKK.


McDonalds drops ALEC sponsorship On Tuesday the fast-food giant became the fifth major sponsor of ALEC to withdraw support from the right-wing legislation-writing shop.


The number of teen births in the U.S. dropped again in 2010, according to a government report, with nearly every state seeing a decrease. Nationally, the rate fell 9 percent to about 34 per 1,000 girls ages 15 through 19, and the drop was seen among all racial and ethnic groups. Mississippi continues to have the highest teen birth rate, with 55 births per 1,000 girls. New Hampshire has the lowest rate at just under 16 births per 1,000 girls.

This is the lowest national rate for teen births since the Centers for Disease Control began tracking it in 1940, and CDC officials attributed the decline to pregnancy prevention efforts. Other reports show that teenagers are having less sex and using contraception more often. Studies have backed this up. Researchers at the University of Washington in Seattle found that teenagers who received some type of comprehensive sex education were 60 percent less likely to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. And in 2007, a federal report showed that abstinence-only programs had "no impacts on rates of sexual abstinence."

But 37 states require sex education that includes abstinence, 26 of which require that abstinence be stressed as the best method. Additionally, research shows that abstinence-only strategies could deter contraceptive use among teenagers, thus increasing their risk of unintended pregnancy.

For example, take the states with the highest and lowest teen pregnancy rates. Mississippi does not require sex education in schools, but when it is taught, abstinence-only education is the state standard. New Mexico, which has the second highest teen birth rate, does not require sex ed and has no requirements on what should be included when it is taught. New Hampshire, on the other hand, requires comprehensive sex education in schools that includes abstinence and information about condoms and contraception.


Wonkette: Statement: Newt Gingrich prepares to declare himself president


WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE! James O'Keefe Depos: Breitbart Paid Pimp, Ho Mad Cheddar For ACORN Videos


This is what they mean...

...when they say, "We want our country back."



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