Andy Borowitz: Newt Gingrich is getting away with shit that Anthony Weiner's penis only tweeted about.
" ....They call themselves conservatives but that's not it, either. They don't want to conserve what we now have. They'd rather take the country backwards – before the 1960s and 1970s, and the Environmental Protection Act, Medicare, and Medicaid; before the New Deal, and its provision for Social Security, unemployment insurance, the forty-hour workweek, and official recognition of trade unions; even before the Progressive Era, and the first national income tax, antitrust laws, and Federal Reserve.
They're not conservatives. They're regressives. And the America they seek is the one we had in the Gilded Age of the late nineteenth century..."
"Herman Cain dropped out. Our writers and I were despondent. But sometimes when God closes a door He opens a window. And standing outside that window is a circus peanut wearing a badger. Donald Trump will moderate a Republican debate Dec. 27. Thank you, Jesus." –Jon Stewart
JoeMyGod: IOWA: Gingrich Signs Anti-Gay Pledge And Vows To Stop Fucking Other Women
Newt Gingrich has signed the anti-gay pledge of Iowa hate group Family Leader. But unlike the other GOP candidates who have signed the vow to thwart civil rights for gay Americans, pundits are focusing on the pledge clause that commands "personal fidelity to my spouse."
Gingrich has issued a statement. (My bolding.)
As President, I will vigorously enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, which was enacted under my leadership as Speaker of the House, and ensure compliance with its provisions, especially in the military. I will also aggressively defend the constitutionality of DOMA in federal and state courts. I will support sending a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman to the states for ratification. I will also oppose any judicial, bureaucratic, or legislative effort to define marriage in any manner other than as between one man and one woman. I will support all efforts to reform promptly any uneconomic or anti-marriage aspects of welfare and tax policy. I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.
Equality Matters: Why Do Networks Continue To Host Hate Group Leaders?
In November 2010, the Family Research Council (FRC) was added to the Southern Poverty Law Center's (SPLC) list of anti-gay hate groups due to its "propagation of known falsehoods" about gays and lesbians. According to an Equality Matters analysis, FRC spokespersons – including Tony Perkins, Peter Sprigg, and Ken Blackwell – have been invited to appear on CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News a total of 54 times in the twelve months since Perkins first appeared on MSNBC to discuss being labeled as a hate group. 24 of those appearances were on Fox News, 19 were on MSNBC, and 11 were on CNN:FRC head Tony Perkins alone constituted 32 of the above appearances. Check out the below Equality Matters recap of just a few of the many, many vicious anti-gay lies spewed by Tony Perkins.
RELATED: I'd also like to know why every single network ignores the scandal that sank Perkins' political career, namely his exposure as having paid KKK Grand Wizard David Duke a whopping $82,500 for access to his mailing list of racists. There's also this: "On May 17th, 2001, Perkins gave a speech to the Louisiana chapter of the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC), a white supremacist group that has described black people as a 'retrograde species of humanity.'"
A homosexual who violently attacks a Christian pastor would be protected from President Obama's "hate-crimes" law and its enhanced penalties, a group of the legislation's supporters openly admitted during debate in Congress. However, the penalties would apply should a Christian pastor violently attack a homosexual. Penalties likely would be more severe for the Christian because the "hate-crimes" law's protections apply only to those with certain behaviors – that is, homosexual or other alternative sexual lifestyles.Note that these alleged "supporters" are never identified. Anybody with access to a brain or a Google machine would learn in ten seconds that religion-based crimes are, of course, subject to the 1969 Federal Hate Crimes Law.
According to a DNC spokesman, Democrats are planning on distributing this photoshopped $10,000 "Romney Reserve Note" to state parties and other allies around the country.
It's refreshing to see the DNC going on the offensive after the glaring absence of 2010. Thank you, Debbie Wasserman Schultz.
I'm really loving how ugly the Republicans are getting. Newt Gingrich just hit Romney with something we should be repeating over and over until November.
"I would just say that if Governor Romney would like to give back all the money he's earned from bankrupting companies and laying off employees over his years at Bain that I would be glad to then listen to him. I'll bet you $10, not $10,000, that he won't take the offer."
The Republicans really picked some winners, didn't they. In an election cycle where unemployment is a top shelf issue, the nominee could be a 1% guy who made gazillions of dollars firing workers. Brilliant.
Frum: Fox News creates an 'alternative knowledge system'
President Obama Shakes Hands with BFF, the King of Saudi Arabia, the Country That Executes Women for Witchcraft and Sorcery
GOP shock jock Michael Savage offers Gingrich $1 million to withdraw - is that legal?
Dear Mrs. Engel,
You ask a good question: "What if Tim Tebow were a Muslim?" How would America act if someone criticized a player because he prayed facing Mecca after every touchdown, put verses from the Qur'an on his eye black, and encouraged people to buy jerseys featuring his number and Mohammed's name sewn onto them?
You answer that question correctly: "All hell would break loose...[because] You cannot mock Muslim faith, not in this country, not anywhere really."
It's the truth. Next to white males and bankers, Christians are the most persecuted group in America. We see it every day in news stories like these:
- A godfearing Christian is arrested for applying his His Great and Holy Steel-Toed Boots of Witnessing against a Muslin Youth.
- A presidential contender leaps rather than crushes in polls released after he calls Palestinians an "invented people.
- Lowe's Hardware, acting on a request by a Christian Group, is accused of bigotry after pulling ads from a television show, All-American Muslim, portraying Muslims as being American.
- A fine white Christian football coach with a record of 23 wins and 36 losses since 2007 is fired by the team's Muslim owner and replaced with a Negro.
- A pious Catholic Congressman, who supported the righteous Irish Republicans and their army, is vilified for bringing the full power of the federal government against Muslims.
- The FBI reports a 50% rise in hate crimes against Muslims but ignores the ongoing war against Christmas.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and persecuted kind of way,
General JC Christian, patriot